


Boring Ways to Die

by DynamicKea



Series: Cheating Death [1]
Category: The Yogscast
Genre: A Character is Death, Gen, Other Yogs mentioned, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-13 06:13:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3370832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DynamicKea/pseuds/DynamicKea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the race back from Lalna's castle, Rythian is attacked.</p>
<p>He wakes up in a void.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boring Ways to Die

Darkness. Not the cold underbelly of a cave with slivers of water dribbling along stalagmites type of darkness. Not the creeping coolness of anticipation that wraps around miners as they descend in search of treasures. This darkness was the absence of anything. No textures or places where the emptiness shifted. No scurrying shadows at the corners of the eyes. There was just a smooth nothing, one that can only be seen if your eyes switched off.

It was also surprisingly warm, this darkness. There wasn’t any uncomfortable heat of lava bubbling and steaming, or the stretching and prickling of armour as it prepares to explode. It was merely comforting warmth, like thick duvets and hot chocolate.

...Actually come to think of it, it didn’t look like it was _black_. Rythian frowned. It seemed more like someone had gone and mugged the world of its entire colour. It was like something, or someone, had stolen everything that could create layers in the world – trees, grass, people, and mobs alike. There was nothing left to see, neither colour nor textures, so his eyes refused to function.

Muscles in the back of Rythian’s throat shifted unpleasantly. In all honesty, if Rythian focused, it looked more like the surrounding area was white. Blank. A dead white void that dropped away a scant few centimetres from Rythian’s eyes.

Rythian then realised he wasn’t breathing.

Coughs and splutters spat from Rythian as he doubled over, desperately trying to suck in air. For a long second, or was it a minute, he felt like his flying ring had shut off over a cliff, a swooping blur of vertigo tearing at his stomach. And then a flailing hand cracked against some type of “floor”, followed by the rest of his body. Uncertainty only rose from how, if Rythian tried to look, his hand didn’t appear to be resting on anything.

Rythian rolled up, still coughing as his lungs attempted to break his ribs. One hand remained resting against the “ground”, shadowless, while the second pressed against his chest. A third hand thumped Rythian on the back as someone muttered to him.

‘...come on, deep breaths and all that....’

Something nudged against Rythian’s hand. A water bottle? Rythian quickly snatched it and sucked in two gulps of cold. It stung against Rythian’s throat.

Wait.

Rythian steadied his breathing. Slowly, he turned his head.

Crouching beside him, hovering slightly over what Rythian had to guess was the “ground” in this white void, was Nilesy.

The pool man gave Rythian a tiny wave. ‘Hello.’

‘Nilesy?’ Rythian glanced to the water bottle. Only, not really a water bottle and not really water. It was a metal, sliver and red cylinder with a black, bubbling and hissing liquid inside. ‘What, what are you doing here? Where the hell am I?’

‘Uh...’ Nilesy had his legs crossed. A tight, nervous smile was on his face and his fingers kneaded against his arms. ‘Ah, that’s kind of difficult to explain. Just um... drink that for a bit while I try-’

Rythian dropped the metal cylinder and stood up. The metal clattered against the white and bled out the black water. ‘Nilesy, explain where we are _right now_ or so help... Nilsey, why are you floating?’

Nilesy glanced down. ‘Am I floating?’

‘Yes.’

‘Oh.’ He grinned. ‘Sorry about that. Just give me a second.’ Nilesy grimaced. One hand slowly lifted though the white void. He then snapped his fingers.

Nothing happened.

Nilesy glanced at them, shaking his hand and snapping his fingers again. ‘God dammit... I’m so out of practice with all _this_ ,’ he said, gesturing vaguely around the void.

‘This?’ Rythian repeated flatly.

‘Oh, right,’ Nilesy kept focused on his hands. ‘You died.’

The void went silent, apart from Nilesy’s attempts to snap his fingers and the cylinder rolling along the ground.

Rythian rolled his eyes. ‘Alright, ha ha. Really, what happened?’

The poolman adjusted his glasses, seemingly giving up his attempts to snap his fingers. ‘What exactly is the last thing you remember?’

A frown crinkled between Rythian’s eyes. The last thing he remembered? Well, that was, that... that was...

 

_Floating, no, racing along the surface of the world after breaking out of Lalna’s force field. Heading straight for Blackrock castle to see if there really was a nuke. The nuke. Almost arriving there and..._

_A hissing sound. A bang. A sharp cold in his heart. A whirl of pain that struck Rythian out of the air and falling into emptiness._

 

Rythian’s eyes snapped open again. Nilesy looked sympathetic. ‘Creeper. Pretty boring way to go, really.’

Rythian wasn’t looking at Nilesy anymore. Instead his eyes were fixed on a point past Nilesy’s shoulder. ‘That, that...’ Rythian shook his head, refocusing on the floating man. 'That’s _impossible_.’

‘It really is.’

‘I had armour on.’

‘So? You think that ‘cause you’ve got all your ABC-grade magic you’re invincible?’ Nilesy shrugged. ‘The creeper got lucky, and you weren’t.’

‘I’m not dead,’ Rythian said. He gestured at Nilesy. ‘You can see that I’m not. I’m here, _talking_ , so-’

Nilesy groaned, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. ‘I’m bloody _terrible_ at this,’ he said. ‘Look, I’m sorry, really I am, but you’re dead and I need to do my job. OK?’

Rythian spun around, taking in the white void. ‘Your _job_?’ he said.

‘Why else would I be here?’ Nilesy said.

There was a pause as Rythian glared at the pool man. Even as he did, Nilesy kept rising higher into the air, until he was sitting at eye level.

‘...Are you actually Nilesy?’ Rythian asked, stepping backwards from the other.

Nilesy squinted down at Rythian, before face palming. ‘Yes. I’m Nilesy; I’m the same Nilesy that tried to make you an ironic pool. That Nilesy.’

Rythian reached for his katar, his hand groping at the empty air. ‘Explain. _Now_.’

The mage would have denied the accusation of his voice “squeaking” in any way shape or form.

Nilesy smiled nervously. ‘Ah, well, you died. I’m _meant_ to sort of, uh...’ Nilesy searched for a word, ‘I’m supposed to get you moving to the underworld. Or heaven. It honestly depends on where you head after I get you moving, I don’t really know.’

‘What, are you meant to be Herobrine?’ Rythian said mockingly.

Nilesy pouted. ‘Of course not! Herobrine only ever shows up when someone really _important_ dies. Plus, there are loads of sentient beings out there, lots of important guys. You think that one person would be able take care of all that?’

'...What? Wait. Who are you then?' Rythian said. He stepped forward and poked Nilesy’s knee. It felt normal - not overly hot or cold or holographic.

‘"Nilesy, Minor Undead Wrangler, passed Soul Removal with Merit, Minor Awards in Mortal Liaison.”. Basically I’m the local “guide to being dead” for this part of the world.’ Nilesy rattled off the list with a bored expression, grimacing at the word “dead”.

Rythian shook his head. ‘You have got to be kidding me...’

‘You’re telling me. I thought Xephos or Honeydew would die first. Maybe Lalna with all the crazy stuff he does.’ Nilesy looked thoughtful. ‘I didn’t think that any of you would be beaten by a mob. That was _really_ unlucky.’

Rythian groaned, turning abruptly and pacing back and forth. ‘What happens now?’ he said. He attempted to not be bothered by the lack of sound from his feet hitting the “ground”.

‘To you? Well, I’m _meant_ to pull you out of reality and throw you vaguely towards the afterlife.’ Nilesy shrugged as Rythian stared. ‘What? I’m not allowed to go there!’

‘What about Zoey? And _Lalna_ ,’ Rythian spat. ‘Since I “died”, can I at least find out where she is?’

Nilesy shook his head. ‘I’m pretty sure I’m not allowed to do that. It brings attention, and I don’t want any more than I’m gonna get.’

‘...What do you mean?’

Nilesy snapped his fingers. There was a soundless roar, and sparks flickered around his hand. ‘Well...’ Nilesy focused on his hand. ‘I’ve already broken the rules twice ‘cause of you people.’ The words “you people” sounded surrounded in fondness. ‘One more cheat couldn’t hurt.’

Rythian stopped pacing. ‘What _cheat_?’

‘Death by creeper is a terrible way to die. Plus, nobody actually saw it. I’ll have to get the creeper back as well, fair’s fair and all that.’ Nilesy finally looked back up. There was a glint in his eyes, reflecting the steady growth of sparks in his palm. ‘Besides. I haven’t had to guide one of you people yet. Let’s not break that record.’

There was a howl, a rush. The sparks burst forward and rolled across the void. Something grabbed hold of Rythian. A cold wind rolled through his insides, followed by a burning heat and then _nothing_.

 

Everything went dark. But not an empty dark. A cold dark, full of textures and shadows and the weight of armour. Grass pickling at his sides. Wind rolling. Waves beating on a nearby shore. A bird chirping. Footsteps.

Rythian opened his eyes. The void was gone, replaced by fanged hills, black sky and a solemn ocean. Far across on the other side of the hill, a creeper was staggering to its feet. The reptilian beast looked up, black eyes fixed on Rythian’s.

The wind blew, and Rythian could have sworn he heard a Scottish voice.

_Try not to kill each other._

The beast snorted and dived away, its tail lashing and its green scales fading into the shadows of the forest.

Rythian switched his ring back on, rising back into the air. One hand twitched towards his heart, while the other gripped his katar.

‘What the hell just happened...’ Rythian muttered. This time, there was no voice on the wind. Just the echoes of sunlight brushing at the sky.

_Never mind that then. Back to Blackrock, and then once all this is sorted I’ll find Nilesy. Unless all that was a hallucination. In which case, probably should keep quiet about it._

 

Several hundred miles away, Lomadia heard a door slam shut. ‘Did you find some rubber then?’ she yelled.

There was a pause, a swear, and the sound of Nilesy running back out the door.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Funny story with this one. I made a note about writing Xephos or someone as the Grim Reaper and hating his job. Then a few months later, I decided to pick a random Yog and a random idea. Nilesy and the Grim Reaper idea showed up, and I wrote this.  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
